


Secrets that should last

by Chelina



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Feelings, Love, Sad, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 23:05:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17990195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelina/pseuds/Chelina
Summary: The story of the person she loved so much, the person who didn’t understand why it sometimes was needed to keep something a secret.





	Secrets that should last

Was it the rain that made the evening even colder than it already was, or was it the wind that blew around the woman's body? Her clothes were soaked, but that didn’t bother her.  
Her steps were not hectic, not stepped in awareness. It was more of a slow therefore fluctuate. The people who dodged her would think she was drunk. However, no drop of alcohol had wetted her lips.  
Nothing but the cold, brutal reality had put her in that state.

 

Tears mingled with the merciless rainfall. A melody sounded softly, almost stifled by the sound of the wet crackling. Trembling, the woman reached into her trouser pocket.  
The name on the display was almost unreadable for her. She knew the signs and only too well knew the name. In addition, only one person had this ringtone.  
This song had always been meant only for him.

 

She let her arm drop, the phone still in her hand. It took a moment before it finally stopped. But not for long. The wavering person lifted it into view again. Same number, same person.  
Clumsily she pressed the button to silence the music and to color the display black.

It's interesting how everything could change in nothing more than mere hours.

 

* * *

 

"Jeonghan! You're late again!" With a pout on the face, the young woman stared at her boyfriend, who had just entered the cafe and sat down opposite her. This small, hidden café had become the meeting place of the couple.  
For two simple reasons. First, it was not popular or big, so no fans who could catch them together. There were only mainly old housewives as guests who finally wanted to argue with their friends about whose children were more successful.  
Secondly, the cafe had a table in a corner, which allowed to overlook the garden of the house, which belonged to the owner of the cafe. It was rather small and simple but pretty.

 

Gently, the man took her hands in his. Playfully intertwined his fingers with hers. Even if his hands were cold, the woman didn’t really feel it. She herself was one of those people who always had cold hands.  
"I'm sorry! Couldn’t leave earlier" His voice was sweet, obviously to soothe her heart. However, that wasn’t necessary. She understood his situation, understood that he couldn’t always just run away from work to see her.

 

The day they decided to secretly be a couple, was the day she consciously accepted all this. But sometimes she just wanted to tease him a bit.  
"I know, don’t worry" her smile was filled with warmth and her eyes sparkled slightly as she looked at him in love. It didn’t matter to her that she couldn’t have an open relationship with him.  
Likewise, she didn’t care to miss him. On the contrary, it only showed her how much she loved him. The woman wouldn’t feel such a strong longing for him, if she didn’t love him from the bottom of her heart.

 

Drinks were drunk, a piece of cake shared. Then it was time again, to face their hurdles. She was the first one to leave. Her date wasn’t over, but her location would get changed.  
But they had to be separated for this. The taxi she entered took her to a restaurant. This was again a hidden place, between all the houses. A small one, like the café before.  
Just as safe from the eyes of the curious crowd, which gave itself the right to call a relationship of idols a scandal.

 

With relish, the couple ate the food they ordered. Laughter and joy filled their conversations. It seemed so perfect, no it was perfect. She loved everything about their time spent together.  
Even the secrecy had become something that simply belonged to them. As if it were part of Jeonghan. That's why she loved it too.

 

The day had turned to night and if Seoul weren’t full of bright lights, the beautiful sky full of stars would be exactly what the two would be looking at. Light steps without an actual goal brought them forward.  
The idol had persuaded her to take a walk in the nearby park. It had taken a lot of conviction, as she feared that they might cross way with Carats.  
Jeonghan was covered with a mask and a cap, so he had been able to persuade her.

 

But she didn’t find peace in the situation. Anyone who came in their direction would put her nerves on a roller coaster and a knot would form in her stomach.  
"Hani, I think it would be better if we did weren’t strolling around here." Her words were almost imploring, but the man just shook his head and gently pulled her on.  
Nevertheless, the bad feeling didn’t disappear.

 

They were almost reaching the end of the park when a squeal hit the ears of the woman.  
"Did you make it to the fan signing today? I didn’t! You're the best!! Thanks for the album!!! His signature is so beautiful...” the shrill voices almost toppled over, but a few words could be clearly heard.  
Her hand pulled away from the man's and skilfully and quickly she disappeared in the dark of the trees.

 

The girls passed Jeonghan, their conversation clearly that of Fangirls. His eyes fell on the album in the little hands of one girl. Not his.  
Sighing, he waited until the small group disappeared and his girlfriend stepped out of the shelter again.

 

"They weren’t carats!! It was Ikon's album." A little annoyed, he spoke to her as her eyes searched for the girls. "We couldn’t know that! What if it had been Carats?"  
"Then they still wouldn’t have recognized me! It’s quite dark here and the sparse exposure makes everyone something similar to a faceless creature! You always worry too much! »

 

She took a deep breath, ready to confront him, but she remained silent. "Are you mad? Annoyed? Why? Because I'm not careful? You know that-"  
"That Pledis would force us to break up? That all People would mark us as a mistake and that not only you would be hurt, but also Carats? Yes, I know that! That's why the caution!" Her words were cold, and it was difficult for her to not get angry.

 

Jeonghan was offended. "Why are you worried about Carats? Or are you afraid that they would attack you?" There was a painfully long moment of silence.  
"I'm worried because I know how a fangirl feels and even if I have no problem with my bias dating someone, it's so that many are hurt by it and still don’t accept it!"  
"That's not your problem!" his answer was a bit too petulant to be helpful. "It is! Oh, and yes! I'm afraid of Carats!"

 

The man looked at her slightly shocked. It was the first time she confessed that to him. "Carats are peaceful and nice! They wouldn’t hurt you-"  
"How do you know that? Huh Jeonghan, where do you have this knowledge from! God this discussion is pointless and unnecessary! Let's go!" He held her back by her arm.  
"No, we'll discuss it now!"

 

"What do you want to clarify? That I don’t want the world to know about us and keep it a secret?” Her eyes had lost all warmth and the sparkle was long gone. They were adorned with panic and anger.  
"Let's make it publicly! I don’t want to stay in hiding anymore! I want to tell the world that you belong to me!" His voice rose irritably. She shook her head. "You are part of Seventeen! You belong to Carats! That's the truth!  
We knew in what situation we got us inn, when we came together! Why do you want to change it now?" her voice grew louder and louder with each word.

 

His grip on her arm got stronger and a started to be a little painful, though she didn’t even notice. "I don’t belong to carats! Why don’t you want to stand by my side? Don’t you love me?"  
There was a heart-breaking silence in which the two stared at each other. The woman's eyes lowered hesitantly to the ground.  
Her voice trembled as she quietly replied, "Apparently not enough."

 

He let go of her, his eyes wide in shock. What he had expected was a lot, but not agreement. One step at a time he stepped away from her. His breathing lost its natural rhythm.  
"How can you say that? We ..." Jeonghan fell silent. His hand automatically found its way through his hair. "Let's break up" Her voice broke at the last word.  
The singer shook his head and stepped closer to her again, but this time it was her who backed away. "No ... NO!" Despair spread in the idol.

 

Finally, she raised her head again to look at him. Tears ran down from her eyes. "It isn’t your choice Jeonghan. It's mine!" Again, he tried to get closer to her, but again she backed away from him. "Why?"  
"Because I can’t stand it anymore. Because it gets too heavy. Because my heart can’t take it any longer." A smile slowly found its way on the sad face of the young woman.  
“Goodbye Jeonghan”

 

Quick steps led her away from the man, who still stood there frozen and watched her leave.  
The person she loved so much, the person who didn’t understand why it sometimes was needed to keep something a secret.

 

* * *

 

 

The woman didn’t know how long she had been walking. Not even where she had already passed by. At one point it had started to rain. It wasn’t bother her at all. The rain was more comforting than bad.  
In her head, the scene from earlier played again and again. She knew that for Jeonghan her words had probably come out of nowhere. She knew that she wasn’t the only one who had a broken heart.  
What she was also fully aware of, was that she might regret it later, but that it had been the right thing to do.

 

Jeonghan would have made them screw up and found out by public sooner or later. But mankind was still unwilling to accept that Idols had relationships, and even if Carats had stood with them,  
he would still have gotten to feel the pain of it. Haters lived among us all, and they were like a parasite that sucked the energy out of all good, until only pain remained.  
Too often in her life as a kpop fan, she'd seen idols suffer because their 'sandals' became known.

 

She never wanted Jeonghan to end like this. Her heart ached much more at the thought of seeing a devastated man, than it did for causing heartbreak to him.  
He didn’t deserve to be ruined and maybe she didn’t deserve his love. Surely their love didn’t deserve to be called a scandal. It had been something beautiful.  
Like a little miracle. Sometimes too good to be true.

 

Shouldn't her tears eventually had come to a stop after some point, she thought that she should have eventually stoppped crying by now. So why did they still wriggle out of her eyes and mixing with the rain?  
There was so much that she didn’t understand in this bizarre world. Some would never understand why she hadn’t responded to his question truthfully. It didn’t matter.  
Her decision had been to protect him from the Society's sword, even if she had to hurt him herself.

 

"I loved you Jeonghan. More than I loved being loved by you. More than I ever loved anybody. I do love you!” Her hand clenched over her heart, she sank to the floor.  
Sobbed and repeated the truth again and again, which however was silenced by the pattering rain.

 


End file.
